and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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