when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
