i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
