I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I supernannyed him into submission
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize