smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize