Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
