Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
