ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
