Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
