I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
