i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
