Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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