Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
