I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A+ Viking dick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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