also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize