Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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