You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize