id be glad to
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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