just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
