I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
