what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
