Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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