I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
