the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need moral support for this bender
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
