Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
FUCK WHALES
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