mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
