The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
