Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A+ Viking dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
