HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
