Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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