What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
