I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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