You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
