Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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