it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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