I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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