its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
