When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
