The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
