My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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