Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
