Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
