Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
