I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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