the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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