Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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