just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
