i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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