she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
