it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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