Me. At least after what I've been through.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
