apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
