I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
