This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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