He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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