Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
