I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
