No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize