You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
