Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize