How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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