My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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