So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
