This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
