He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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