I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My bed smells like the plague
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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