i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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