im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize