I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
