quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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