if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
where am i from again
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
