he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize