seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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